my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
