he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
