Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
