Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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