Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
