i jhust puked up my retainher.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
