walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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