no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
