I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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