In the future we'll all be gay
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
