thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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