So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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