i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
