They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
