How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
