Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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