i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
