Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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