I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
