So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
