It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
