Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
