As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
