No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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