You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
