im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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