just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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