You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
