seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
