if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
