they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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