Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
