So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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