We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This baby is an asshole
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
