I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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