Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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