home. puking in laundry basket.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm always down for nudity.
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