he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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