What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
