He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
