so that wasnt chicken after all
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
