1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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