I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She bit a glass in half.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
