Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
