My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
