Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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