What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
