Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
