I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
