awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
