i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
