You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
