Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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