Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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