weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
