just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
