Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
