He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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