I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
