so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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