i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So many bounce houses so little time
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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