grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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