shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
