Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
