Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
